THE WEATHER!

NOT TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT ALL THAT MUCH FOLKS, BUT HAS ANYONE NOTICED HOW WET/DRY/HOT/COLD/DIFFERENT/SAME THINGS ARE WEATHERWISE LATELY?  IT’S BEEN A FEW CENTURIES SINCE WE HAD FOUR SEASONS HERE IN MY AREA.  OKAY, MAYBE DECADES, BUT THAT PART IS MOOT ANYWAY.

I’VE BEEN WATCHING THE FORECAST AS WELL AS LOCAL CONDITIONS FOR SEVERAL DAYS, HOPING FOR A DAY WITHOUT RAIN SO I COULD GO OVER TO KROGER.  THINGS HADN’T REACHED A CRISES POINT AS FAR AS FOOD IS CONCERNED YET, BUT WERE AT THE POINT OF “REPLENISH THE SHELVES OR FACE A DAY WITHOUT POTATO CHIPS AND CHERRY COKE” VERY SOON.  WELL, I TOLD YOU THEY WERE NOT A REAL CRISES POINT YET, WHAT DID YOU THINK?  RUNNING OUT OF BREAD AND WATER?  BUT SINCE MAN DOES NOT LIVE BY BREAD ALONE — OR WOMAN EITHER FOR THAT MATTER,  I KNEW THE TIME HAD ARRIVED TO REPLENISH SOME MINOR ITEMS LIKE MILK, FLOUR (I can bake my own bread with the right ingredients),  CERTAIN PAPER PRODUCTS TO SAVE THE NEWSPAPER AS WELL AS CERTAIN DRAINS, (are you impressed that I didn’t even have to mention TP?)  TODAY WAS FINALLY THE RIGHT DAY!

I SET OUT ON MY MISSION BY FIRST PUTTING ON A COUPLE OF SWEATERS, JACKET, FAUX FUR SHAWL, GLOVES HAT, HOOD, SCARF AND BOOTS.  THOUGHT I WAS COVERED SINCE BY THAT TIME I COULDN’T MOVE WELL.  NOPE!  OUT THE DOOR AND THE WIND HIT MY LEGS, COVERED ONLY BY A SINGLE LAYER OF JEANS!  I’M SURE I’VE SPOKEN BEFORE ABOUT OUR WIND HERE.  I LIVE IN THE TALLEST BUILDING IN A RIVER TOWN SO THE WIND PICKS UP SPEED WHEN IT HITS MY BUILDING, GIVING US A WIND TUNNEL EFFECT.  SERIOUSLY, I ONCE SAW ONE OF THE LADIES GET PICKED UP AND TOSSED TOM THE GROUND WHEN SHE WENT OUT TO SMOKE!  THAT WOULD SURE CONVINCE ME TO STOP SMOKING — PROVIDED OF COURSE I HAD EVER STARTED.  AND ONE TIME IT CARRIED MY HAT OFF INTO THE WILD SKIES.  AS LONG AS IT WAS CLOSE TO THE GROUND I GAVE  CHASE BUT WHEN IT WENT AIRBORNE IT WAS TIME TO JUST LET GO.  I HAD ANOTHER HAT.  THE THING IS, IT IS ALWAYS WINDY AND COLDER HERE THAN OTHER PLACES IN TOWN.  UNLESS IT’S SUMMERTIME AND THE MIDDLE OF JULY, OR AUGUST — SEPTEMBER TOO THESE DAYS,  THEN YOU ARE WALKING OUT (or driving out in my case) INTO A BLAST FURNACE.

OKAY, I TOTALLY MISSED MY POINT THERE DIDN’T I?  I WAS GOING TO SAY I FORGOT THE COVER FOR MY LEGS!  THAT WAS A HALF CHILLY RIDE OVER THERE.  FORTUNATELY IT ONLY LASTED A FEW MINUTES AND THE FIRST ITEM I LOOKED FOR WAS A FLEECE THROW TO KEEP MY LEGS WARM ON THE RETURN HOME.  BY THE TIME I PICKED UP EVERYTHING ON MY LIST IT WAS NOT ONLY AN HOUR LATER BUT THE STORE HAD FILLED UP WITH ALL OF THE “CRISES SHOPPERS” — YOU KNOW THEM.  SNOW FLURRIES ARE IN THE FORECAST SO THEY WERE STOCKING UP ON THE BASICS FOR ALL THOSE DAYS WE WILL BE SNOWED IN.  AND ABOUT ONE TIME OUT OF A DOZEN FORECASTS WE ACTUALLY DO GET THE WHITE STUFF AND HAVE TO SPEND A MORNING INSIDE OR GO OUT AND MAKE SNOW ANGELS AND SNOWMEN.  I’M MORE LIKELY TO LOOK FOR SOME CLEAN SNOW — A LOSING BATTLE NOW, AND MAKE SNOW CREAM.  I HAVEN’T FOUND ANY CLEAN SNOW IN THE PAST 40 YEARS BUT STILL I CAN BE FOUND DIGGING THRU OUR THREE INCH DEEP DRIFTS WITH HOPE ALL OVER MY FACE.  I MANAGED TO FIND A SELF CHECKOUT EMPTY AND GLIDED IN THERE TO SCAN MY ITEMS ONLY NEEDING SOMEONE TO SCAN THE ITEMS IN THE LARGE BAG ON BACK OF CHAIR FOR ME.  THIS TIME THOUGH SHE DIDN’T STAY AND HELP ME LOAD MY BAGS SO I HAD TO GET OUT OF MY CHAIR AND TAKE SOME VERY SHAKY STEPS AROUND TO OBEY THAT PESKY VOICE THAT TELLS EVERYONE TO REMOVE  ALL ITEMS FROM THE COUNTER .  USUALLY I WILL ARGUE WITH THE VOICE BUT TODAY I JUST WANTED TO GET HOME.  I SUDDENLY REALIZED, SURROUNDED BY ALL THAT FOOD, THAT I HADN’T EATEN ALL DAY YET AND IT WAS GOING ON 4:00 P.M.

AND NOW MY FRIENDS, IT’S ALMOST 7 P.M. AND I STILL HAVEN’T HAD THAT MEAL SO I THINK I’M OUTTA HERE!  HERE ARE A COUPLE OF SPRINGS AND AUTUMNS TO KEEP YOU Happy.

 

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