The Sorry Saga Of A Small Remote

I first posted this story a couple of years ago when my remote was MIA. Since this seems to be an ongoing problem for me, now trying to keep up with 4 remotes to operate one TV, I thought it only appropriate to post it again on a day when I’ve been searching fruitlessly for two of them. If I only knew where the on/off button on the TV was located I could shut it off manually, but I think that particular button is located somewhere on the bottom of the set. Not easy for a klutzy person to find when I would have to pull the TV out and upend it to find the button to begin with. So, while I search a while longer for the remotes, enjoy this little tale again, or for the first time if you haven’t read it before.

A small TV remote lived all his life in the pocket of Mama’s lift chair.  One day Mama got a new futon chair, and that night she put little remote on the table next to futon while she slept on that new chair bed.  The next morning as she woke, she accidentally knocked poor little remote off into a trash container that was too close to the table and then added some trash to the container before tying the bag up and tossing it carelessly down the garbage chute.  Poor little remote!  He was sure Mean Old Mama had done this on purpose!  Such cruel old Mama, tossing him away like that!  Well, he would show her.  He climbed out of the bag, inch by painstaking inch.  Huff, puff, rest for a long, long time.  Try again–puff, puff, closer, closer, almost there, puff, puff, huff, puff — daylight!  Success!

Oh!  Not quite yet.  Out of the dumpster, but not back at home yet.  Not even inside the building!  And white stuff coming out of that wide area  above him!  Everything is sooooo cold!  How could Mean Old Mama do this to him?  Wait,  a human!  Follow it thru that opening —- hurry it’s about to close.  Whew!  Good thing I don’t have a tail.  It would have been clipped off!  Oh no,  another opening but closing fast!  Ah!  made it.  Aiee–around a corner?  another opening and that one is closing too.  Nothing stays open!  Two things closing this time – they almost snapped at me.  Yikes, it’s moving!  Stopped!  I’m outta here.  I saw that guy at Mean Old Mama’s once so I’ll just hike down this way and see if I can find my home.  Maybe I can sneak back to my home and hide.

She didn’t even see me sneak under her feet.  Just kinda did a trippy dance like she does before she falls.  She’s never gonna find me way down in here now.  Oh, this is so funny.  She used a light to look in here for me and I was just all hunched down and so quiet she didn’t see.  What’s that funny sound?  Furniture is moving.  My chair is moving.  Mama’s moving it herself!  She’s not supposed to do that.  I heard the doctor tell her not to do that.  And she’s praying to so many saints to help her find me.  What have I done?  She’s gonna look in here again next.  Oh no.  More furniture moving but across the room.  Every place but here.  She just sat down so maybe—.  Sigh, no.  More praying, TV turned off and sad music playing, Mama singing sad songs.  What have I done?  I’ll try to get up from down here.  Oh, she put a book on top of me.

I’ve been here so long.  I can hear Mama still praying but she is so depressed she almost cries.  So many bad things are happening.  Oh, another voice, Mama laughing, dancing, good, I’ll start trying to get up again.  Ohhhh, there’s Mama’s hand—I can see it–coming closer, closer, fingers touch***SHE FOUND ME!  Mama has me again and she’s laughing and crying and saying prayers of thanksgiving and calling people to tell them and I can see the sunshine and she is  programming her DVD with me and now we are watching a movie and she has me in her lap like she will never put me down and now I live on the computer table where she can see me and, whew, we both need a breath!  

And so, my peeps, goes the tale of how my missing TV remote found it’s way back where it belonged.  Now that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!