I ZIGGED WHEN I SHOULD HAVE ZAGGED

Lessons learned in the past eight days! Take my time when standing up. Call 911 as soon as you fall because it only hurts worse the longer you wait. When the EMT’s and Fire personnel arrive feast your eyes when they all turn out to be very good looking.

Monday morning of last week I stood up and turned around a bit too fast and down I went. If only I could always take my son’s advice and hit my head I might have been okay, but naturally my feet slid into a pile of stuff I had been sorting through and I knew immediately something was not right. My nurse was coming so I knew the door had to be unlocked for her but walking wasn’t an option, so I scooted to the door, a very long way to scoot! Ya know what they focused on at the ER? My butt! Sure, it was kinda red from scooting on it, but for heaven’s sake, my ankle was the size of my waist, and I have a very sizable waist now.

Hooray! I made it through the night with all parts intact. PT just left a few minutes ago and advised me the next time I got bored I should just call and talk to them instead of falling. What a concept! Come to think of it, my Aunt told me the same thing earlier. I do have a hard head, but that does sound like a much less painful idea than trying to pirouette on my two left feet. I’ve tried to convince people that I’m actually very graceful with no success at all. But! I got to show the PT how well (?) I could maneuver the knee walker. He must have seen something funny out the window because he just kept laughing at me. It could have been my 28 point turns or possibly the parallel parking routine. Now who uses parallel parking any more when it’s so easy to just drive into a spot. I’ve circled parking lots for hours waiting for a spot, not lately of course, but when I still drove a car. Now I just weave my way around people looking for a place within a mile of the store and drive right into the front door.

He insisted that I sit back in my lift chair so he could witness the dismount. I made it okay — at least in my opinion. Left foot never touched the floor, right hand on the arm of the chair while left one was moving my sewing stuff off the cushion, a kind of flop to the seat. Like I have said, I’m not a graceful swan, but I made it intact without ever touching the floor with the left foot. Now I’m trying to convince my bony left knee to give it up and stop trying to complain. Guess I’ll have to make a cushion for it but that seems so much like spoiling a crying baby who didn’t get the toy he kept pulling off the shelf in the toy store. I wouldn’t do that for the baby so why spoil the knee? Oh, of course! The knee is attached to ME! The baby was not by that time. And really the baby always had a lap full of other things it had pulled off the shelf so one more was just one too many!

Now it just occurred to me that I had enough sense back then to leave my own kids with their dad when I went to the store. It was the grandkids I took with me. And there are different rules for the grands. You can spoil them rotten and send them home with the parents! Since my youngest one is 18 now — I think, I had forgotten that part. Just remembered the fussing and crying if they had to put something back.

Wow, a good samaritan just brought me a burger and fries so I think I’ll be occupied with putting those to some good use for a little while. Talk to ya later cause right now I’m going to show the cow that burger came from just how cows should be treated. I can say that because I used to chase the beasts all over the country when they broke through the fence on the farm.

A.

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